In the midst of our journey it is really hard not to feel defeated. Sometimes I even feel like we are running a marathon with no end in site.
Sadly, we will never experience the “glow” or elation of a pregnancy. Our last pregnancy was filled with anxiety, uncertainties, and many, many tests and frequent visits to the OB. Before that it felt like we were on a roller coaster of emotions trying to get pregnant (when little did we know my body wasn’t cooperating!). Though we want nothing more than to have a child of our own and would do anything required of us to hold our sweet child in our arms, this journey has always felt like an up hill climb.
But in the midst of our struggle, we try to focus on the positive. We cannot control our future and we know that the Lord will help us get through anything. Looking back now I can hardly believe we have survived thus far! We know that if we truly trust in God’s plan for us, we will see in the end that He always works things out for the best. Though we don’t realize all the reasons now, there is a purpose for us experiencing this journey.
Yet even though I have experienced all this, I have been so blessed. God has given me the most amazing husband to walk with me in this journey. We have been blessed with stable jobs, healthy bodies, a roof over our head, and food to put on our table. We have the most wonderful and supportive family and friends, without whom we would never have gotten to where we are today. Most importantly, we have the love and support of an amazing God.
We don’t need a lot to be happy. We have been blessed beyond imagine.
What I need to focus on most is just being God’s child. Having a child of our own is less important than being God’s humble obedient child. He is enough. I may stubble and fall, but I often pray for God to help me to take my eyes of myself and the child I desire.
You know the desires of my heart best. You know how strongly I desire a baby- to mold, love, and teach of Your love. Help me to give this desire, this ache up to You. Help me not to snatch it back up like I often do but to place all of my burdens into Your hands. I want to be truly content with Your will and Your timing. Thank you for reminding me that You are enough!