Recently I was listening to a podcast about broken promises. The pastor asked if you had ever felt betrayed by a broken promise from God. Surprisingly my initial response was not “Yes”. This really made me think about God’s role in our journey. We could blame God and be angry at him for allowing us to go through this, but we have never felt this way. Though we are angry at the situation, we know that God has a plan for us and though he has yet to reveal what we are to learn from each miscarriage, we know there is good that can come from our situation. We have already seen the good He has shown us after our first loss. Our hearts have never felt deeper. Our marriage has never been stronger. And our relationship with the Lord has become so much stronger. Along with many other lessons, we have seen the good that can come from such an experience.
After the first blog post, I had a lot of feedback from family and friends (which we love to read-thank you for all your love and support!) about when we will have a baby. Though it changes daily depending on my mood, here is what is on my heart and what I fear the most: I don’t feel like God promised us a baby.
Though I know part of my purpose is to share his Word and I want nothing more than to do this by raising a child to know His love and teach them how to love others in return. Yet, He has never come right out and told us his plan for us like he told Abraham and Sarah, “You are going to be blessed with a child.” I fear that we may not see the day when we get to hold our baby in our arms. It is incredibly hard to hold on to hope when we were never given this promise. In these moments of weakness when I let the sin start to creep in and the fears overtake my thoughts, I pray that my Father will give me the strength to hold on to hope. I pray that He will know my heart and know exactly what I need.
That is the one thing God does promise us- that we will always have his presence. Deuteronomy 31:6 says, “He will never leave you nor forsake you”. I can’t blame God for not being there or not living up to His promise because we have seen His hand on us through every step of our journey.
He has helped us to get up when we felt too weak.
He has given us strength to get through the toughest days.
He has experienced the high joys and low sadnesses right along beside us.
He has held our hands as we cried and given us hope when we thought there was none.
Though God has not promised us the child we so desire, he has promised to never leave us and there is truly no better promise. Only He can help us back up when we falter. There is no way we could get through this journey without Him and come out on the other side still clinging to hope. And we know that we can trust fully in Him and His plan for us because He has overcome the world (John 16:33). How incredible is that? I couldn’t ask for anyone better to have by my side through this journey.